Being Addicted to a Good Feeling

You meet someone and you feel good. Some things he/she says make you feel good, something about what you see make you feel interested, attracted, etc. A good feeling about somebody gives you energy… it is like vitamins for your soul.

But as all vitamins, they are used by the body on a certain amount of time. Then the body needs a new dose in order to keep on being healthy. It is the same with feelings, they tend to last for a certain period and then they either disappear or get altered. The memory of that feeling fades in time and by itself it will not maintain the energy… not indefinitely.

That is why we need to get constant or increasing doses of that same feeling. They are addictive.

If you meet an interesting person, you want to get more time with that person as soon as possible. It seems like you are rushing, but it is actually an instinct that your brain and body have. You need to keep the good feeling active and, whether you know it or not, the way to keep it alive and growing is by increasing the dosage and by making the intervals between doses shorter. Your soul feeds of good feelings. The relationship instinct is a primary instinct.

In the case that you rationalize the feelings and slow down the process, you starve your soul of the energy it needs. It is as if you are putting it on diet. The outcome is that either the feeling fades away in time and you don’t feel the need any longer. You will forget about that person or you will simply not desire him/her anymore, you become indifferent and you will meet someone else. Or. you become obsessed and develop a sick craving for that feeling, giving it a bigger value than it really has and you get stuck in that irrationally, or you become num in regards to feelings and you don’t recognize one at its right value. Or, you simply replace the feeling with another that is more available to you at the time, eliminating the need for the first.

The truth is that you need to hold on to the good feeling for as much as you can and you need to assure a constant dose of it in order to keep it longer.

If you meet somebody, don’t let too much time pass between the dates… the nice feelings you have on your first dates risk to fade, because they did not have enough time to get strong. Early feelings are not as powerful as reinforced ones.

Long distance relationships do not work for the same reasons… the dosage is too rare and not constant. Since the soul needs feeding, at any moment another feeling can appear to replace the initial one. Being together is the best way to keep a good feeling active, to grow it, strengthen it and make it last longer, be more powerful.

If you meet someone who is at a long distance, it is even more difficult to grow a feeling. Make sure you meet that person as soon as possible and make sure that the next encounter is soon enough too. Otherwise it fades away.

The interest in somebody stays alive for as long as that person is in your direct sight, for as long as you keep that person in your direct interest and for as long as you can see a positive development. That is why longer exchanges of e-mails or phone calls without a direct encounter tend to end all of a sudden. You can’t feed a feeling by distance.

It is exactly like trying a drug once, only once, and then not trying it again for months… you do not get addicted. Try it once, and in a few days again,… and again and you are stuck.

Feelings are drugs, but good ones. You want to get addicted to them. Once the addiction becomes a habit, your relationship has a chance.