How much would you give for sex?

I find it surprising how much men are willing to give, how many sacrifices they are eager to make in order to get laid. I find it even more surprising how little of those they are willing to give for a relationship of any kind, and how women are the exact opposite.

A man would skip work, travel for 2000 kilometers, pay for a hotel room and other expenses, to meet a woman with the only purpose of having sex, maybe even just a quick session. He would invent nice compliments, he’d pay attention, and he’d be a really great guy. The same man would find it difficult to spend a nice evening, pay for dinner and the movie and have a long walk with a woman who actually likes him and who would actually be good for him as a long term partner. He’d forget to make plans, to compliment her and to pay attention in this case.

Anna* has this friend who invited her in a romantic weekend in a really romantic city. He was a great host and presented himself as a really reliable and lovable person, while clearly stating that he was not interested in a relationship. She stopped seeing him when she realized he did not want the same things as her. It has been years since and the guy keeps inviting her for other trips, from time to time... he doesn't give up and he keeps on trying to convince her that she needs sex...hmmm. I wonder whom of the two really need it.

Cristina* knew Jim* for 6 years and there has always been attraction and flirting between them, but timing was never right- he was in a relationship; when he broke up with that other girl, she was in another country; when she came back, he was involved again; when he broke up, she had someone, etc. But for 6 years he never stopped talking to her about sex and how attracted he felt to her and how great he considered her to be.

No promises, though, in both cases. Never any real promise of a relationship! Just a really nice behavior, the type you, the girl, would fall for as leading towards something more serious, like a relationship. Both my girlfriends felt disoriented when, after having sex with the guy, his behavior completely changed... and it was just when she finally let herself have feeling for him and allowed herself to start hoping.

Why the act? Why would you put in so much time and effort for something even you can find everywhere? Wasn’t the conquest meaning something completely different a couple of decades ago, like getting the girl? Does the conquest now mean just getting in the girl?

On the other side, a woman is not even considering putting too much effort into arranging her evening schedule just to meet a guy she finds attractive, would like to have sex with, but does not seem to have a relationship potential. But in the perspective of a real relationship, she would skip work, travel the world and meet the guy, wearing the best looking outfits and lacy lingerie. We are the exact opposites in this matter.

Yes, we both have that therapeutically hormonal balancing sexual partner who is good in bed but we don’t really want them as our life partners. The difference is the attitude. She will ask him to pay a visit if he calls when he is in the neighborhood, while he will do grand and expensive gestures, send her the plane ticket and arrange to pick her up from the airport for the same purpose or he will pursue her with constancy for no matter how long.

How important is casual sex to men? It makes no sense to me. Why would I go through any effort for something that is so available everywhere, like casual sex? Why would I invest anything more than a bikini wax and a condom and why would I spend more energy than answering a phone call and talking for 30 seconds? How can be casual sex so important for men and so unimportant for women?

And the thing that really needs time and effort which is building a relationship, how come it is so rarely considered by men and (unless he really feels she is the one) thoroughly avoided?

I am not saying that men want only sex and women only want relationships, although it is applicable in most cases. I am just astonished by the huge difference in importance of casual sex to men and women. So my friend, if you are frustrated that he is not paying the desired attention to you, he does not seem to be really into you, but yet he seems to want you, don’t wreck your brain so much – he maybe is not into you, but he surely is into getting in you. Now, if you want a relationship with him, chances are you won’t get one. So it is up to you to decide…

*name was changed